Not It

I had blood drawn last week for a medical test. The week before, I had an abnormal test result and this followup test was to verify a possible diagnosis. This may sound weird, but I was actually excited about this test. I've been looking for an answer to my symptoms for years now. After so many possibilities that ended up being dead ends, the abnormal results were a source of hope in a way. The more I looked into it, the more confidant I felt that this was my problem. Even better, it could be cured.

This had to be it. I was sure I found it. This was it.

And the second test came back... normal.

Overwhelming disappointment.

This could still be a possible diagnosis - or not. A frustrating result that raised more questions than answers. I won't lie, it walloped me good. I just wanted to be done with this and be on my way to a cure now. However, it appears I have more work to do before this is resolved. I have to shake off my disappointment, or turn it into determination, and keep searching.

So, why bring this up in a writing blog? As unhappy as I am with the turn of events, this is exactly the kind of turmoil readers need from their fiction. No one empathizes with a perfect character who does everything right. Likewise, no one connects to a character's journey that is easy and convenient. Perhaps my personal struggles with a mystery health issue aren't relatable for everyone, but that disappointment, that crash of being so certain you have figured it out only to have the world twist everything another way, is something everyone has felt on one level or another. Maybe you were sure a romantic partner felt the same as you, only to discover they were seeing other people behind you back. A feeling of pride that you were the obvious choice for a promotion, only to be passed over.

It's that crushing feeling of the rug being pulled out from underneath a character that often draws readers to that character. Taking a look at good fiction, these disappointment events will plague the characters over and over again, forcing them to change throughout the story. Some rise to the challenge, others may become bitter or vengeful (antagonists often are reacting to their own disappointing events within a story, only in a negative manner). As far as obstacles for the characters go, these emotional points stand out as the moments that a character's strength and morals are measured by.

Personally, I try to turn everything that knocks me over into a lesson of some sort. I still don't have a diagnosis, but this is an opportunity to take this emotion and apply it to my characters. I know how this feels; now I can apply that feeling to my characters. This is why I find a regular journaling habit so beneficial for a writer. I can save all these sensations and thoughts from my own personal experiences and draw upon them at any point in the future.

Today's 'not it' can be tomorrow's 'ah-ha' moment.

Going Deeper

It's the witching hour again. Joy of joys, I can't sleep. So, I shuffle out of bed and decide to at least make an attempt at something productive. Blogging. Why not? Authors should have a blog and yet I haven't been able to do so with much success. The audience is out there, I'm just not approaching this in a way that resonates with them or, honestly, me. Lying in bed, eyes unable to close, it dawned on me why I've neglected working on a blog.

I made it a chore.

I've been so concerned with making some big professional blog packed with the sort of academic information that would verify how writerly I am, that it felt like writing a bunch of essays. Probably read that way as well. So, screw that. It's no fun for anyone.

I'm switching gears. No strict story structure explanations or character sheets here; there's tons of sites out there that discuss those topics beautifully.

This will be a blog about my thoughts on story creation and where I find inspiration. This will get messy as I'm not organized or methodical. But I'm hopeful that maybe sharing maybe I might help out someone else whose writing process is similar. Or at least be entertaining in my oddness.

Without further ado, an introduction:

I'm Van Essler. I'm a writer and this is a view into my story building head.